Pretentious Asshole

Yo!
Work is destroying me. Between the grading, planning, calling, emailing, and self medicating, I don't have a lot of time these days. Excuse the delay in my second post. I suck.

I'm in this online class right now about teaching media studies. It's a great class because you don't ever have to see those annoying classmates ("that guy" "old nodder" etc.) face to face. I thought this would be just fabulous but then had an encounter this week that made me realize that there is no escaping them. I had a run in with "pretentious asshole."

I go onto my class blog to see who's been commenting on my posts and this dude has written a comment three times as long as the others. I was mildly annoyed right off the bat because the professor told us that we should make "short comments" not "critiques". I'm not afraid to defend my views on things educational, but this guy overstepped his bounds.

He critiqued my thesis on the portrayal of fathers in sitcoms citing all this stuff about it being entertainment and blah blah blah! No shit, asshole. I know it's about entertainment. I think it's shitty entertainment (I'm talking about shows like "Still Standing", "Home Improvement", and "According to Jim"). He claimed that I wouldn't want to watch a show that had 2 rational people on it that didn't pull humor out of stupid conflicts. Those of you that know me know that that's about all I watch...that and "The Daily Show". To quote David Rakoff, "I would drink Jon Stewart's bathwater."

Anyway, I go to this dude's blog to poke around and see what brilliant ideas he must be pawning off on people. Keep in mind that I'm doing this under the assumption that I have horribly offended him by insulting one of his favorite piece of shit shows or something.

At the end of his latest blogpost, he confesses to having not taught yet so he feels out of place in this class. He then goes on to say that he feels he has done "exemplary" work in the course because he has done every assignment to the letter of the directions. He's right, you know. His blogposts read like my 8th graders' essays "Now I will tell you how I analyzed this section of the news..." fucking brilliant. He wraps up this thread with a comment on how he and his chat partner were the only ones that posted some damn thing on week 3 and even suggested we all go look at it to see how awesome he is. Prick. I didn't bother.

I can only assume that this dude got served on the first grading update from the professor and now feels like a jilted lover who has to watch his former flame knock boots with a douche bag. I say this because I was told that I am doing "perfect work" for the course and mine looks absolutely nothing like his. Asshole. I didn't tell him this nor will I. I didn't even respond to his blogpost last night like I was supposed to because all I could think of to type was "you pretentious asshole."

So, for those of you that are thinking of going online with your classes to avoid those bitch ass students we all hate, don't bother. They will still find you and annoy you. The best part of all of this is I have a mental picture of what I think this guy should look like. I must meet him to see if he, in fact, has medium length dark hair, wears short sleeve button downs tucked into his skinny, tapered, faded black slacks, and shitty shoes. I must know.

Do any of you have stories of dumbass classmates? It's one of my favorite topics of discussion!